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That Ain't Me No More (Live) 6/05/26
A cheeky, uptempo Irish pub song about shenanigans, mischief, and... reform?
Laugh, sing along, and raise a glass… just don’t shave any cats or dye them pink. OK?
That Ain't Me No More Jim Molinelli
00:00 / 03:35
Lyrics
THAT AIN'T ME NO MORE (live)
© Jim Molinelli
[Introductory Toast]
[spoken fast] "Now, settle down! Lift yer pint and please lend me yer ear.
For this heart-warmin' story of patience and of cheer!
They say a man builds character with every bridge he burns.
I no longer carry matches, a new leaf I have turned.
So, here's a toast to me! A man transformed…
and the silly little bastard who’s so lucky I’ve reformed!"
[Begin Irish Pub Music]
ONE, TWO, THREE. FOUR!
[Verse 1]
I wanna change his passwords so he can't log in no more,
But that’s petty and vindictive… and that ain’t me no more!
[Verse 2]
I’d rename his WiFi "F.B.I." to even up the score.
But that’s petty and vindictive… and that ain’t me no more!
[Chorus]
I've grown as a person, I’m a better man therefore.
I ain't petty and vindictive – not like I was before!
[Verse 3]
I would sign him up for junkmail, and catalogs galore.
But that’s petty and vindictive… and that ain’t me no more!
[Verse 4]
I would leave a burning bag of poop and knock hard on his door.
But that’s petty and vindictive…(and that ain’t me no more)!
[Chorus]
I've grown as a person, I’m a better man therefore.
I ain't petty and vindictive – not like I was before!
[Verse 5]
I’d plant weeds throughout his garden, and enroll him in Peace Core.
But that’s petty and vindictive… and that ain’t me no more!
[Verse 6]
I’d shave his cat and dye it pink, and pour his whiskey on the floor.
But that’s petty and vindictive… and that ain’t me no more!
[Bridge]
Did I want to dye his laundry? (YES!)
Did I want to hide his keys? (YES!)
Did I want to release termites to devour all his trees? YES!...
...But then I went to a seminar,
And I found a bit of Zen.
Now I’m a brand new person…
…at least til 10pm!
[BIG Chorus]
I've grown as a person, I’m a better man therefore.
I ain't petty and vindictive – not like I was before!
[spoken] "If he bothers me again... he will feel my wrath!”
[spoken] "Someone should buy me a pint before I find that eejit's car and do something foolish..."
ONE, TWO, THREE, FOUR....
[6 second penny whistle solo]
[EVEN BIGGER Chorus]
I've grown as a person, I’m a better man therefore.
I ain't petty and vindictive – not like I was before!
[6 second penny whistle solo]
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